Male Pattern Lonliness.
Megan still laughs at my jokes.
I know. I’m just as shocked as you are. Maybe, because she’s forgetful, she doesn’t mind that I only keep a handful of classics in rotation.
That’s partly how we bonded as a couple. Humor. Our first date was to see Blades of Glory with Will Ferrel and Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite). We still laugh all the time. It’s important to us. It keeps us feeling like friends, reminds us of our younger selves, and relieves some extra stress.
Interactions with Megan never drain me. But that’s not true for everyone.
Although it may seem like it when you meet me, I’m not a true extrovert. I can interact with people — strangers, colleagues, clients, prospects, friends — for a long time. But there always comes this moment when I need to recharge.
If extroversion and introversion are polar opposites I’m squarely in the middle.
But there are moments where I purposely prolong my “recharge” time. It’s usually tied to being down or stressed. Or tied to negative self talk. If I’m not careful, my recharge time can devolve into something dangerous.
Isolation. Leading to loneliness.
According to a Gallup about 25% of U.S. men ages 15–34 say they felt lonely for much of the previous day, higher than the national average and higher than young men in most other wealthy countries.
We’ve got a problem.
Men, you may be doing a great service to your wives and children by staying engaged, active, intentional. You’re helping out in all the ways a modern man is expected to. But your wives and children are not be enough to cure your loneliness. They don’t know the pressures of leading a family. They can’t fully relate to your struggle. You need someone who sees you, sharpens you, and helps you see things in a different light.
Better yet a Christian friend to disciple you.
There’s one great example of this in my life. The day after I was fired from a job I forced myself to go to our men’s Bible study. I don’t even know how I made it. It had to be God telling me to go. I was a knot of anger, confusion, and worry.
I just wanted to get out of the house. Then someone asked me “how’s work going?”. They just had to ask . . .
I launched into the story. The listened and cared. It felt like the beginning of healing. I’m glad you asked, Todd!
Then two of those men, who know me well, asked if I had ever considered a career in sales. They encouraged me. They saw a potential skill or ability that I couldn’t recognize.
Today I’m 6 months into a sales job that I truly enjoy. That’s the power of community. The power of men helping men. That’s the perfect example of what can happen when God guides you out of isolation.
Secondly, dads, we’ve got to teach our young men what healthy male friendships look like. Go do something. Take them along. With family. With friends. Help them discover a new skill. Help them get out of the doom scroll or the Fortnite lobby. I’m personally striving to be better at this with my son. To look for ways to engage, teach, and stretch him - all while showing him what healthy male friendships look like.
Men, if you’re lonely, find a group. Find a church. Reach out to an old friend and pick-up where you left off. Reach out to your dad. Your brother.
Don’t isolate. Don’t choose to stay lonely.
Set an example for the men - and the dads - who come next.
Hebrews 10:24-25“
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together… but encouraging one another.” (NIV) Hebrews
Shameless Plug
If you want to join a great group of men check out F3. It’s a local workout group for men (but so much more).
https://www.facebook.com/F3Leadbelt