trust and the 90s
I’m having a 90s weekend.
It’s good for my brain. For my sanity.
I’m putting my phone on the charger in the bedroom. I’m answering only phone calls.
An iPhone is a rotary dial if you treat it like one.
This week I’ve been waiting on some important news. Which is awful because I’m impatient. It’s like torture.
All week I’ve been an inbox addict. Insatiable. Fixated.
Somewhere at Google they’re sitting around a board room table looking at a report with one outlier. It’s me. I’m the outlier. The psycho who kept checking their e-mail every three seconds “just in case”.
The hardest part is - the good news I’m waiting for - is out of my control.
That’s what it’s like being Jude’s dad. Everything is out of my control.
When we first got her diagnosis, I was spiraling. But I kept thinking that if - I prayed enough, believed enough, had a huge amount of faith, tried all the therapy options - things could change. I could imagine my grin and my glorious “I told you so” speech at the doctor’s office when Jude finally turned the corner.
But here we are. I’m still trying to control.
And just like Jude’s intellectual progress, my spiritual growth often seems incremental. It’s slow. Barely perceptible unless you’re one of the few who know me best.
The things that I’m dealing this week are pushing me - even reluctantly - toward to Him. The one who IS in control.
I’m wired for independence - He calls for reliance.
I’m wired to go it alone - He encourages me to seek out help from others.
I’m wired to put all the weight on my back - He calls me to lay down my burdens.
Special need dads, if you’re like me, you’re still trying to do everything. You feel along because you are alone by choice. You’re trying to fix everything.
But your child - like Jude - is not a project in the garage or a bill that needs to be paid. Their progress is oftentimes out of your control.
But here’s the good news.
You have the God-given authority to influence and lead those in your household.
You have the ability to wade through the unknowns with integrity, character in tact.
You have the ability to seek God and let your family see you do it.
To give Him credit when things go right.
And to trust Him even when life doesn’t turn out like we imagined.
Trust God. Start by having a 90s weekend. I have a Pearl Jam CD you can borrow.
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. 4 Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal.” Isaiah 26:3-4