If We’re Growing We’re Changing . . .

Remember puberty?

I certainly do. 

Let me share my experience in appropriate detail. . .

I remember going from normal height to six feet tall seemingly overnight. I did not know what to do with my body. I could barely walk without tripping. Clumsy. Gangly.

Everything had an odor. My football practice gear could be used in chemical warfare. 

Girls, who were peers just a week before, were now something different entirely. And I noticed all of them.

Now imagine me in the mid-nineties, rocking an Orlando Magic Starter jacket (6th grade before the grunge phase), talking to the ladies after spraying on some Right Guard deodorant.

How could they resist? I even wore the coolest gold chain my grandma got me for Christmas.

If it sounds insane to you, you’re correct. It was. 

It was a brand new world.

Voice cracks. 

Acne. 

Emotions. 

For me the emotions were certainly present, but they typically showed up in aggression and anger.

So here we are all grown up. And even though there’s not a Starter jacket in sight - Jude has started to mature. Her body is developing on pace with her age, even though her ability to comprehend, cope, reason and communicate lags years behind. 

She’s having to face bodily changes with almost zero understanding of what is happening or why. She cannot verbalize her questions and I’m not entirely sure she has any.

This week, we had a particularly strange day.

Thursday morning Jude had a doctor’s appointment where we discussed progesterone medication to regulate hormones and stop menstrual cycles. It was a professional, honest appointment with a trusted provider. Shoutout to all the doctors who comfort special needs parents by being both practical and realistic.

Cut to Thursday afternoon at the Autism Center. Jude is stemming and bouncing in the play area, thrilled about the Disney playlist they had rocking. She then proceeded to make everyone participate in Ring Around the Rosie before we left. 

That day, the shift from teenage topics to toddler games hurt my brain. We weren’t overly emotional. There was no victim mentality or unmet expectations (see last week’s post). 

It was just strange. 

Our two timelines - biological and cognitive - collided in a way that was extremely apparent. The divide seemed to have expanded. 

And what do we do now? Just a few short years (or let’s be honest, months) ago, I would have resorted to overthinking and ruminating. Which are simply modern psychology buzzwords for my favorite sin. 

Worry. 

But we’ve been through enough unknowns now to expect them. And God is using our past experience to shape how we respond to this new challenge. When we’re doing it right, we’re not operating in our own strength. We’re reliant on Him. We’re confident that He’s got it covered. 

All we need to do is trust. 

Lean into the unknown. 

And just like in 6th grade, even though we are awkward and clumsy. Even though we get in our own way. Even though it feels new . . . 

Put one foot in front of the other. 

And keep moving forward. 

Matthew 6:28-34
See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.