Victim? Dang Near Killed Him.

“Alexa drop into Miller’s room . . .”

Phone call follow up. 

Text follow up. 

Multiple alarms from multiple sources. 

He’s still asleep and he’s late for school. 

Miller has always had a tough time waking up. He’s a night owl. But he cares about being on time and he doesn’t like the consequences of being late. 

Recently I had a bright parenting idea. An idea that only a dad could stomach. 

I let him fail. 

If he’s like me, learning a lesson the hard way sticks. 

I let him sleep. 

If he’s responsible to get himself up and dressed for school, then we’ll go when he’s ready. Ultimately it’s up to him. All responsibility and accountability now in his hands. 

We got to school at 9:30. 

He didn’t love it, but he learned. 

There’s a lesson I’m learning the hard way at this point in my life too. 

It lies somewhere between pain and growth and my perspective on both. 

It’s in the space between obstacle and complaint. 

The extremely brief, internal moment after a challenge presents itself.  

Where victim mentality looks delicious. Tempting. Easy. 

Playing the victim can become a default setting. 

Special needs dads need to be particularly guarded against living as a victim, especially given the additional burden. 

The burden is real. If I’m going to wear it well I need the right mental, emotional, and spiritual stance. 

And it’s the opposite of victimhood. 

I wish I had more answers today. More profound things to say. More encouragement. Better stories.

But this is what I have. It’s murky. It’s so close that I cannot see the full picture yet. 

God is slowly revealing to me ways in which I play the victim. The greatest hits are:

• “Nobody understands . . . .”

• “I had to sacrifice so much because . . .”

• “They don’t recognize . . .”

• “Why do I have to be the one to . . .”

• “Nobody helps me with  . . .”

These prideful thoughts set the tone. They pave the way for undo harm. For future consequences. They shift blame. They stall growth and maturity.

And they rob me of wisdom that could be gained by simply facing the challenge. Seeing it for what it is . . . 

A challenge.

A test. 

An opportunity. 

If you’ve been playing the victim too. If you’re quietly and consistently addressing the invitations to the pity party you’re happily hosting. If your heart is deceitful and wicked like mine. 

Consider this a wake-up call. 

Good morning. 

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”
Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)

God keep revealing to me the ways I shirk accountably and point the finger at others. Keep revealing to me how I incorrectly perceive and evaluate challenges in my life. Help me mature past this default setting and grow in you. Help me remember that your grace abounds in the middle of this lesson. Help me with accountability and ownership, all while knowing you are fighting my battles.