Rolling the dice. Public Spaces.
I’m a proud owner of a full head of hair. It may be getting grey, but at 43, I’ll take what I can get.
So this week, while he was on Easter break, my son and I made an appointment for the barbershop.
After the appointments were solidly and publicly in our family calendar, Megan got invited to have coffee with some ladies for church for the same date and time.
Those are all little things, right? Coffee at a friend’s house. Simple haircuts at the barbershop?
On the surface, yes, they are extraordinarily simple. Normal things that people do.
But what about Jude?
Here’s my internal soundtrack when a conflict like this comes up.
Will there be other kids at the coffee thing? It’s just down the street?
If there are kids, are they left alone? She can’t really be left alone. She may break something.
Maybe she could come to the barbershop?
What if I’m in the barber chair, and Miller isn’t paying attention, and she runs out the door. It’s on a busy street.
What if Miller is getting his haircut first and then she’s overstimulated by the clipper buzzing sounds? That could set her off. We’ll sit in the truck if she can’t overcome that. Then I’ll come in when Miller is done.
It is loud and echoey in the barbershop too. I hope that doesn’t overstimulate her.
Remember that one time you took her into a store and she screamed and everyone stared?
Simple, huh?
Jude went to the barbershop. She was perfect. She sat by me when Miller was in the chair and then by him when it was my turn.
But here’s the thing. We never know. It was simple when she was physically smaller. People didn’t stare as much. They didn’t have expectations for her – because she was a baby, or a toddler. But at 11, her cry is much louder. Her scream can be piercing.
And we never know which experience we’ll have. So, here’s what we’re left with.
Sometimes we like to host just so Jude doesn’t have to be somewhere unfamiliar – it’s easier for us. Sometimes our family doesn’t attend events because we’re tired. Sometimes it’s because Jude has had a long day and we know she’s a ticking bomb. Sometimes it’s because we remember the last time she had a meltdown at a particular place – looking at you CostCo - and we’re scared.
But to be real – Jude needs to visit the barbershop. She needs to try CostCo again. She should learn how to navigate coffee at a friend’s house.
Facing the real world requires Jude to be stretched. And it requires the same of me.
God help us to know when to hold back and when to stretch ourselves. Help us navigate public spaces. Calm our worried minds and settle our hearts. Amen.