Valentimes
There’s an amusement park in Santa Claus, Indiana. They have free soda and sunscreen. God bless the USA.
You can ride on a gravy boat and order garlic cheese curds. You can eat a Thanksgiving dinner and buy a Halloween t-shirt. There’s a chips and queso kiosk in the Independence Day area. I highly recommend.
My side of the family went just last year. I won’t talk about how Jude got out of the canoe ride to splash around in the water (I’ll just post that video below). But I will tell you about an important detail that Megan and I missed.
As we were driving home after our day at the park it hit me. Our day at the park was our wedding anniversary. 17 years.
I wondered how Megan would react. I quietly offered an “oh yeah, happy anniversary. . . “She laughed and responded with the same. We laughed at how we both missed it.
Must have been the free Mountain Dew.
There’s something about making each other feel loved and wanted - outside of special occasions.
Key word there is . . .
Wanted.
In our home, Megan is needed constantly. Jude needs her to drive to therapy. Jude needs her when she’s breaking down. Miller needs her to sign permission slips. The dog needs her for vet appointments.
The majority of household tasks - the seen and unseen - belong to mom.
Demands are high and Megan always feels needed. It never relents. With a special needs child it likely never will.
So men, specifically special needs dads, try making your wife feel WANTED instead.
This minor shift will change the entire dynamic of your relationship. Your wife, while a helper, is not designed to care for an additional grown child she calls a husband.
What if Solomon had written poetry to the Shulamite woman and ended it with “can you get this mustard stain out of my robe?” Or “can you call the barber my hair is getting shaggy.”
No, Solomon’s entire book is about desire. Not necessity. It talks about love being an unquenchable flame. With “jealousy demanding as the grave.” That sounds like somebody is wanted - not needed.
So practically what does that look like? In my house it looks like this . . .
Megan does’t want a heart-shaped pizza from Imo’s (I’ll take one though - deluxe please).
She doesn’t want flowers. Or a card.
But she does want help with the laundry.
She does want to go on a date, but likes me to take charge and plan every detail so she doesn’t “need” to this time.
She wants me to book your own haircut. Or call my doctor.
She wants me to clean the house.
She wants to be seen.
Understood.
Pursued.
Men your wife is constantly needed.
Make her feel wanted and watch everything change.